


The Lost Equalibrium

by DelicateRevelations



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bonding, Coulson's Alive!, Episode: s01e08 The Well, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Level 7, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Clint, Protective Natasha, Reunions, Strike Team Delta, Team Dynamics, The Hub - Freeform, Ward needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 05:18:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1066213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelicateRevelations/pseuds/DelicateRevelations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the incident with the staff Agent Coulson brings his team back to the Hub for some much needed down time. The two figures waiting for them on their arrival were not supposed to be there, but they weren't there for Coulson.</p>
<p>They were there for Ward and May.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lost Equalibrium

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time writing anything in the Avengers fandom, but i recently found time to not only re-watch the Avengers movie but to finally watch the new series Agents of SHIELD This idea is the result of that, and would not leave me alone. 
> 
> Particularly i couldn't get rid of the idea that maybe Ward knew Barton and Romanov, since he was in training to be a specialist like them. It took on a life of its own after that. 
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

* * *

_“Life has meaning only if one barters it day by day for something other than itself.”_

__\- Antoine de Sainte_ _

* * *

The Bus landed with a minimum amount of turbulence. Agent Phil Coulson, the leader of this ragtag group of agents, hid a small sigh of relief.

Agent Ward glanced at him, “Sir?”

But Coulson didn’t spare him a glance in kind. “Happy the mission is over.” He supplied shortly in answer.

“Me too, sir.” Grant replied, his hands unclenching and clenching at his side. Coulson had a feeling the new Level 7 agent was remembering the feel of the asgardian staff in his hands.

Yes, they were all happy this mission was over.

Now they were stopping at the Hub to refuel and have a much deserved break. Coulson had made sure to book rooms at the onsite hotel for everyone, even though they all (With the exception of Skye) had quarters on base.

The rooms, and bar below, were usually set aside for visitors or freelancers who didn’t have the security clearance to stay on base. But they were much nicer than quarters on base and Coulson wanted to treat the team so he’d called in some favors.

He was pulled from his thoughts as Simmons and Fitz joined them chattering about science as usual, Skye trailing uncertainly behind. She hadn’t liked her first trip to the Hub, Coulson knew.

Skye sidled up next to him, standing just a bit too close to him. He cast her an amused look which she returned with a defiant glare.

She reminded him of a child, hiding behind her mother’s skirts.

As the bay doors lowered, Coulson turned back.

The pair waiting at the bottom of the ramp made his breath catch in his throat.

Standing there confidently was none other than the rest of the retired Strike Team Delta.

Natasha was always the first one the eye went to with her distinctive red hair, grown out to brush her shoulders again, and her infamous cat suit. From the way she was standing, her hands on her hips and her lips pursed, it was apparent to Couson that she was angry or worried. 

Next to her was Clint, his impressive arms crossed over his chest defensively. He was still wearing his armguards so they were either fresh from a mission or training. Coulson rolled his eyes as he noticed Clint's sun glasses were in place despite the fact that it was evening and they were indoors.

“Is that who I think it is?” Skye practically squealed, quieting only when Simmons shushed her and Fitz grabbed her arm.

Phil had frozen the moment he saw them, examining them for clues as to why they were here.

The reason he froze was simple. They weren’t supposed to know he was alive.

He and Fury had faked his death after the Chituari attack on New York. Despite the fact that they were both level 7, hell last he heard Barton was up for level 8, they were too close to the other Avengers.

Fury didn’t want the Avengers to know. And Phil hadn’t wanted to make Romanov and Barton lie to their new team members when they were supposed to be building trust.

Additionally, it had been time to move on.  To graduate from Strike Team Delta. The timing was convenient and it seemed easier to just stay dead in their minds.

Neither of them spared him a glance though, both fixating on Ward.

Ward meanwhile had not frozen. As soon as he’d spotted them he’d set off down the ramp, almost stumbling in his haste to reach them.

Two steps from them he dropped his duffle bag on the tarmac and threw himself into their arms. The pair of assassins caught him between them easily, Barton carrying most of his weight.

Together they carefully lowered him to the floor where they proceeded to sprawl there, hands reaching out to reassure themselves of Wards continued life. Checking for injuries themselves.

It was only then that Phil looked around and realized that the tarmac was empty, completely cleared of any and all personnel other than them.

It reeked of Natasha’s influence. He was thankful for it though as he glanced back to see Ward having what amounted to a break down for him. Ward would have hated it if there had been an audience, he probably considered the rest of the team bad enough.

Beside him Skye tensed and Coulson figured she was barely refraining from running to Ward.

He was in capable hands though, Coulson knew, as he turned back to see Natasha kissing his forehead and murmuring to him in a language he couldn’t make out from here.

Barton in turn was rubbing Ward’s back and also speaking in low tones. From the way Ward glanced at him and briefly smirked he was likely telling a bad joke.

They weren’t here for him Coulson decided with a sense of dread, hadn’t even looked surprised to see him. How long had they _known_?

“So they did make it.” Melinda May said from behind him, sounding smug.

The group (save Coulson. Coulson didn't jump. Ever.) jumped as one, turning to glare at their sneaky pilot/field agent who must have finished post flight inspections and come to join them.

May just smirked turning a reproving look on Phil, “Did you really think they didn’t know?”

“They shouldn’t! It’s still classified!” Phil protested, not fond of being caught off guard.

Rolling her eyes, Melinda held up a hand. “Putting aside that one of them is _Romanov_ ,” she put down one finger, “Let’s not forget that one of their team members is Tony Stark?” Another finger down, “That Barton still has contacts outside SHEILD in all the alphabet soup agencies? That a lot of level 7 agents owe them their lives at least once?” Two more fingers down. One left.

Melinda smirked, “Most of all let’s not forget that Ward was their protégé’, and he’s always been loyal to them first and SHEILD second.”

Coulson felt like he’d been slapped.

He’d known of course that Romanov had brought Ward in, that Barton had turned him and that together the two had trained him.

But he hadn’t realized how deep their bond went.

Looking at the trio now though, as Barton and Romanov cradled Ward in their arms in a rare act of affection, he realized he was an idiot.

He should have guessed when Ward’s first reaction to finding out he was alive was to ask if the Avengers knew.

“How long?” he asked faintly, aware of the two scientists and one hacker who were pretending not to be listening in behind him.

Melinda shrugged, “They knew before I did. Asked me to look after you when I came on the BUS.”

That was quite a feat as Melinda had been the one doing all the paperwork and had known everything about Phil’s recovery. Probably knew more about it then _he_ did.

Skye chose then to pipe in, “How’d they know though? About Ward?” she clarified, biting her lip.

It was clear to the whole team that for all she teased Ward about being emotionally constipated she had a soft spot for him.

That she wanted to be the one he opened up to.

“I called them,” May said with a shrug, “I would have handled it if they couldn’t get here in time. But they did so it doesn’t matter.”

“Handled it?” Skye repeated, ignoring Simmons’ attempts to distract her.

May smirked. Sashaying down the ramp she looked back over her shoulder, winking at Skye. “Yes, _Handled.”_

They all watched, dumbstruck, as May approached the three and dangled her room key in their faces. “Let’s go somewhere with less of an audience.”

Barton looked up with an affectionate grin, “Mells!” He chirped, dodging Natasha’s resultant swat with ease.

Slowly the three stood, each keeping a solid grip on each other. Ward allowed them to maneuver him how they wished, looking out of it.

Skye sucked in a breath when she saw his unfocused eyes. The level of trust he was showing in them.

She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to trust like that after Miles.

Natasha efficiently tucked herself under Ward’s arm while Clint slung his arm around the man’s waist keeping it so the majority of Ward’s weight was on him.

He held his other arm out, a question on his face. May smiled at him, stepping closer and allowing him to pull her into his side, letting her own left over anger drain out in the presence of the people she trusted with her life and her back.

Trusted to understand better than anyone what it meant to have their emotions and reactions manipulated with magic.

Coulson drew a steadying breath and strode down the ramp, FitzSimmons and Skye trailing uncertainly behind him.

He knew if he didn’t speak up they’d continue to pretend he didn’t exist.

“Agent Romanov, Agent Barton.” He greeted falling back on his professionalism to mask his multitude of feelings. Feelings he didn’t want to examine too closely at the moment.

Natasha raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “Coulson.”

Barton didn’t say anything to him, turning to whisper something in Ward’s ear. The rookie, at least in comparison to the three surrounding him, blinked and seemed to come back to himself a bit. Enough to murmur back to Hawkeye.

Coulson wished he knew what they were saying.

And from the way Natasha was smirking at him,  she knew that he was frustrated.

Damn her and her ability to read him.

“How are you?” He asked finally, honestly curious. Fury hadn’t told him anything past that they belonged solely with the Avengers now.

Barton snorted, “Oh, now you care?” he asked derisively.

“Clint.” May said, burrowing further into his side. The sniper stilled and then relaxed, kissing the top of her head in thanks.

Skye shook her head, confused by what she was seeing.

The uptight Ward she knew never let anyone so much as pat him on the arm let alone hug him. And now he was in the middle of a giant four way hug. She never would have believed it if she wasn’t seeing it with her own two eyes.

Separately none of the group seemed to be the physically affectionate type. Though, she thought, at least two of them had a right to be shaken up and seeking out comfort.

It just surprised her. When she’d pictured g-men, the suits of SHEILD, the badass agents, she’d never pictured this.

Never pictured them huddled together, leaning on each other for support.

Ward growled, surprising everyone. “Make up your mind, _sir._ Either they’re just another assignment that’s over with or they’re your friends who should have been told you were alive.” Coulson flinched, “You can’t have it both ways.”

“Alright,” Natasha scolded, though she smiled warmly at Ward before turning a much colder look on Coulson, “That’s enough for tonight. Some of us have been through a lot.” A significant look at Ward who was still leaning heavily on Barton and May who didn’t look like she intended to leave the shelter of his arms anytime soon either.

“We can finish this later.” She ordered with a glare.

No one, not even Coulson, thought of arguing with her. Not when she looked like she was itching to grab her knives.

“Tasha…” Clint murmured, taking his turn to be the calming force.

Natasha scowled, but settled back into Ward, her free hand reaching around him to brush her knuckles over Clint’s cheek in apology.

Coulson could do nothing but agree. “Wheels up at 1400 tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

“Yessir.” Both Ward and May intoned, knowing when to be professional.

With that that the foursome made a complicated about face all while maintaining their grips on each other and headed out of the hangar, Natasha briefly stooping down to grab Ward’s duffle, presumably going to the room May had keys for.

Coulson rubbed his forehead.

“What the hell A.C.?” Skye demanded.

Simmons laid a hand on her arm, “Why don’t we go get a drink Skye? And me an’ Fitz will explain what we can. I think Coulson too would like a break.”

Inordinately grateful for the temporary reprieve, he had no doubt Skye would corner him eventually, he nodded in thanks and agreement before striding off in the direction of the Hub. He had a debriefing to do before he could sleep.

The three left stared after him.

“I’m so confused…” Skye whined pitifully.

* * *

_“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”_   
_\- Khalil Gibran_

* * *

 

Ward had no doubt what the others _thought_ they were doing, particularly Skye, but they weren’t having kinky sex.

In truth the four of them were sprawled on the king size bed still fully clothed, passing around a bottle of scotch.

None of them spoke, but it was a comfortable silence.

Melinda was more relaxed than he’d ever seen her, laying at the foot of the bed, head hanging slightly off the edge as she stared at the ceiling.

“I’ve never felt so angry,” she said suddenly. 

Ward found himself grateful that she said it so he didn't have to.

Clint crawled over from where he’d been snuggling with Natasha and laid beside May, drawing her gently over so she was sprawled over him, her head laying on his chest. “I know.” He said, running his fingers through her hair.

Knowing that Natasha wouldn’t welcome him laying on her in a similar fashion, Ward handed her the bottle and moved to lay on Barton’s other side, pressing himself as close as humanly possible.

If Natasha was the protector, the fierce and aggressive one who threatened anyone to dare hurt her family, Clint was the comforter.

Always there with a shoulder to lean on, an off color quip to make them laugh, and an arrow to put through someone’s eye when needed.

Barton wrapped his other arm around Ward letting the two agents make a sandwich of him.

“You’re like a pile of puppies.” Natasha observed dryly. But those who knew her well would hear the affection in her tone.

Clint grinned, his blue eye's sparkling with mischief, “You could join us, I’m sure we could make room.”

She snorted, climbing over them and off the bed to reach the phone. “I’ll call room service instead, I think, I’m sure you all could eat.”

“Always.” Barton and Ward intoned.

Melinda snorted and then laughed, surprising even herself with the sound. She hadn’t laughed in years.

The other three knew better than to draw attention to it though.

“Plus, we can put it on Coulson’s tab.” Natasha added, her smile wicked.

The three on the bed exchanged looks, “Yes please!”

* * *

_“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”_   
_\- Lance Armstrong_

* * *

 

“Now can you please explain what that was?” Skye demanded impatiently.

The pair of science geeks fondly known as FitzSimmons had made her wait till they had reached the hotel bar and ordered drinks at one of the more secluded booths to speak.

Simmons sighed, “It’s a bit of a long story I’m afraid. Some of which you don’t have the clearance to know.”

Skye groaned, “Not the Level 7 crap again.”

“It’s always that.” Fitz told her, sounding sympathetic. “Technically neither Jemma nor I are cleared to know, but since we’re working for him…”

“What’s that about?” Skye asked, catching on that they were talking about Coulson's 'death'.  “Why does everyone think he was dead?”

They exchanged glances, “Oh boy” Jemma said, “It’s a bit tricky, and we don’t know the details. Just that Coulson was injured badly right before New York. Badly enough that the Avengers thought he was dead.”

She paused here, unsure how to go on. How to put it delicately.

“Fury never corrected their assumption. Not even to Barton and Romanov.” Fitz finished bluntly.

Skye gaped. “Okay so I get they’re pissed they didn’t know. But what makes them so important? Apparently most of SHIELD didn’t know.”

“They’re special.” Jemma answered, “They were his team before us. They were together a long time, they went through a lot.”

“But they’re Hawkeye and Black Widow! They’re superheroes, not shady SHIELD agents!” Skye protested, unable to believe two of the Superheroes she’d looked up to were that deeply in business with SHIELD.

Fitz snorted, “Yeah, and before they were Superheroes? They were SHIELDS best team. Strike Team Delta. They’re legends.”

“Like May?” Skye asked.

“More than May,” They replied in unison.

Skye blinked. It always threw her when they did that. She’d gotten used to them finishing each other’s sentences, but when they spoke in tandem…

It gave her goose bumps.

Putting that aside, “Tell me more!” She requested, leaning closer over her beer. She always eager for new stories, even if Fitz and Simmons did have a tendency to exaggerate. 

The two grinned and leaned closer as well.

“Well, their legend really started after Budapest…”

 

* * *

_“Always do what you are afraid to do.”_   
_\- Ralph Waldo Emerson_

* * *

 

Coulson took a deep breath and straightened his tie before knocking on Maria Hill’s door. Fury stayed on the Helicarrier these days, leaving the everyday running of the Hub to Maria.

“Come in.” she called.

Closing the door behind him, Coulson surveyed Hill. Her hair was down again, she’d started wearing it that way after the attack on the Helicarrier.

It hid the scar on her neck from the grenade that had exploded near her during the attack.

“Coulson.” She greeted warmly, standing to shake his hand. “How’s the Bus?”

“Good.” He replied, “But we need to talk about something else before we debrief.”

Hill nodded as she re-settled herself behind her desk, waving Phil to a seat. “This about Romanov and Barton? I figured something was up when they showed up and scared everyone away.”

“They know. Have known for a while.” Phil told her bluntly.

She blinked, but recovered quickly.

“Had to happen eventually.” She sighed, rubbing her temples.

Phil stared, “I was under the impression they were never to know.”

Maria laughed, “That was the idea. But realistically? Fury and I both knew they’d find out. We’d just hoped to control _how_ they found out. That ship has sailed apparently.”

“How much haven’t you told me?” Coulson demanded. He was beginning to feel like he was perpetually out of the loop.

First he was told next to nothing about what Barton and Romanov were up to these days, then he wasn’t made aware of Wards’ relationship with them when it was clearly common knowledge to level 7s, and now he hadn’t been told that they were always going to find out?

He’d been told they were never going to, for their sake.

“It was at your insistence they weren’t told when you woke up.” Maria reminded him. “We planned to stay true to your wishes as long as feasible. But it couldn’t last forever.”

“I didn’t want to make them pick between SHIELD and the Avengers,” Phil defended, “Besides by the time I woke up they’d mourned and moved on.”

Maria looked stunned. “You really believe that?”

Confused, Phil nodded. “I checked in on them when I woke up. Barton was already on a mission and Romanov was undercover protecting Pepper after the Mandarin.”

Hill shook her head, “You have no idea… Barton was on that mission because he’d been driving psych crazy with requests to be in the field. And then once out there he was reckless. More than usual.”

She paused, taking a sip of the ever present coffee at her elbow.

“I think if he didn’t know Romanov would kill him for it, he’d have made sure he’d died out there. It’s why he’s working with the Avengers and Romanov solely now.”

Phil couldn’t process that. He knew Barton wouldn’t have taken his death well, he’d been the first handler that listened to Clint. The first one to see he was useful as more than just an assassin, a tool to be used.

He’d been the first one Clint had trusted at SHEILD, until he’d brought in Natasha.

But Clint was strong, and he’d lost people before. Coulson had figured he’d move on like always.

Apparently he was wrong.

“And as for Romanov… she was assigned to Pepper because she was snapping at anyone who said anything about Barton or you around her. We sent her away for the agents’ safety. She would have killed someone eventually.” Maria shrugged.

“They’ve been in a tail spin since you died,” She continued, “Or apparently since they realized you were alive but that no one told them.”

Coulson rubbed his forehead.

He wasn’t sure which was worse for them.

Thinking he was dead, or thinking that he was alive but hadn’t thought them important enough to be told.

Probably the latter.

“I have a lot of apologies to make, don’t I?”

Maria smiled, having successfully distracted him from his demand about being out of the loop. That was a topic for another time, preferably when Fury was here to back her up.

“You should probably grovel,” She suggested, eyes twinkling. “And beg. They’d like that.”

Phil glowered at her.

* * *

_“Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out.”_   
_\- James Bryant Conant_

* * *

 

Their next meeting was considerably less hostile, but more awkward.

Clint and Natasha had escorted May and Ward back to the Bus, both of whom looked much more relaxed. Clearly whatever the four of them had gotten up to the night before had done the trick.

Also, from the way May and Ward were both wearing sunglasses Coulson recognized as Clint’s spares they were likely hung over.

The pair strode past him, grunting in greeting.

Coulson amused, called out loudly, “Welcome back!”

From the resulting clang his call had caused at least one of them to flinch and knock into something. Probably Ward.

He smirked.

“Still tormenting hung over agents everywhere?” Clint observed drolly.

Coulson turned to see that sometime during the last minute or so they’d crossed the considerable distance between them to stand in front of him.

They definitely were not standing respectfully at attention with Barton’s arm casually around Natasha’s shoulders. Not that Coulson had ever insisted on things like that.

It was part of the reason they’d gotten along so well.

Coulson had never been good at breaking the important rules though, or disobeying direct orders from Fury.

He’d been getting better since he came ‘back’. He wasn’t sure how much of it was the near-death experience and how much of it was Skye rubbing off on him.

“I’m sorry,” He blurted, his usual composure gone in his desperation to fix this. He’d spent all night going over what to say, how to explain, how to adequately apologize to them.

It was all out the window now.

They both looked surprised at his outburst. Natasha recovered first, “Huh. Didn’t expect that, figured you’d just act like nothing happened.”

It wouldn’t have been the first time, Coulson rarely apologized for doing what he felt was his job. Just moved on and expected them to do the same.

This time was different though.

Coulson frowned, “I should have made sure you were told, regardless of your place with the Avengers,” He started, “But I honestly thought you were better off.”

“ _Better off?_ ” Clint repeated incredulously.

Natasha laid a quelling hand on his shoulder, “Let him explain.”

Phil smiled at her.

She glared.

He hadn’t thought it’d be that easy anyway.

“For one, to all appearances by the time I woke up you both had moved on.” He raised a hand to prevent their protests, “Maria has since corrected my assumption but I didn’t know before.”

He paused, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants.

“Also, I didn’t want to make you choose. Between SHIELD and Avengers, between me and Tony, Steve, Bruce and Thor who deserved your honesty.”

“They know you’re alive too,” Barton informed him, “Tony was the one who hacked SHEILD when Fury refused to give you a memorial. That was a bit of an obvious tip off.”

Phil sighed, “So it really was all for nothing then?”

The partners exchanged a glance, both finally looking as weary and stressed as Maria had implied they were for the first time since he’d laid eyes on them.

“You didn’t know that though,” Clint told him, “We always knew it was the job first. Just didn’t expect it to extend to letting us think you were dead for so long.”

Natasha nodded, looking uncertain.

And as she always did when faced with issues of strong emotions and people they cared about, she turned to Barton for cues.

He gave her a big one when he stepped away from her and pulled Phil into a crushing hug.

Smiling in relief she followed suit, hugging Phil from the other side.

“Just don’t do it again.” Clint ordered, his voice breaking at the end.

Natasha nodded into his chest and Phil had to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat as he hugged them back just as tightly.

“Never.”

* * *

_“We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.”_   
_\- Lloyd Alexander_

* * *

 

Skye sighed, “Don’t you love a happy ending?”

Next to her Ward rolled his eyes, “Not sure this counts as happy. It’ll still be awhile before they trust him again. Those two… don’t trust easily. They’re even worse with people who have betrayed it before.”

“Speaking from experience?” May asked from where she was leaning against the wall behind them

Ward shook his head, “Not mine. I’ve seen them react to something similar before though. Never worked with the guy again. Don’t think anyone in SHEILD has seen him in years.”

Skye gulped. “They won’t do that to A.C. though right?”

May shrugged and Ward looked as blank as ever.

“Ward! They wouldn’t right? I mean look at them! They’re gonna strangle him if they hug any tighter…” Skye paused, her brain catching up with her observations. “Wait. Are you two pulling my leg?!”

Ward and May smirked, high fiving as she pushed off the wall to join them.

Skye gaped, “You guys have a sense of humor!” she exclaimed too happy that they were finally relaxing around her to care that they’d been making fun of her just before.

She’d begun to think these two would never accept her. Particularly Ward, with him it seemed like every time they took a step forward they were forced back two steps.

Judging by his relaxed demeanor, and the way he was standing closer to both her and May than he usually would, she decided that last night had been good for him.

Didn’t mean she wasn’t jealous that he’d chosen the two currently wrapped around Coulson and not her though. She’d just make sure to give him a reason to pick her next time.

Together the three turned back to watch as their fearless leader slowly untangled himself from the two Avengers, speaking quietly with them and exchanging what could only be cards with contact information.

The A.C. who turned and made his way back on the Bus was almost unrecognizable to Skye. He was _smiling._

He waved a hand and the bay started closing, “Watch out for Stark!” Clint called at the last second, “Now that you know we know, he’ll be by to bug you!”

Coulson groaned.

* * *

_“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”_   
_\- W. Clement Stone_

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, i'm not sure if the characterization is right for the Agents of SHIELD characters, it's a little too soon in the series to get a good read on them. That's part of the reason i like May and Ward though, they're both still mysterious in their own ways and it's fun to decide what emotions they're hiding.


End file.
